Work as Life How to Get New Answers to Old Questions
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008
I’ve been haunted for years by one of my dad’s oft-repeated old sayings when I was growing up:
There’s no better way to kill time than work it to death.
I never questioned the truth of that statement. First, I love my dad. He’s a really good man. Second, work is good. Third, work is what we’re all about, right. Right?
- Lie number 1: We don’t get anywhere in life without working hard.
- Lie number 2: The more we work, the more we make.
- Lie number 3: What we do is who we are.
We spend more time working than any other activity. Most of us sleep less than eight hours a night, yet we work more than eight hours per day. Our most important relationship is with those we love at home. Yet we spend most of our time, with colleagues who love us very little. And those at home (who love us most, remember?) get the tired, grumpy, raggedy remnants of the “best” self that we tried to be all day.
Work became something different for me about 10 years ago when, in one of the many heart-to-hearts between me and my oldest son when he was feeling his way through high school, he said, “Work is evil for you.” Evil is a strong word, never to be taken lightly. At first, I thought maybe he was just angry because I didn’t spend enough time with him. But he didn’t seem angry. He was just telling me what he believed. He couldn’t elaborate, but at 16, he opened a wound that didn’t heal quickly. It festered for years as I thought about that: How could work be evil if my dad said it was the best way to kill time?
I was on the fast track in the newspaper business with a great job. As a young man, I had climbed much of the corporate ladder in a field that demanded 24 hour-a-day response. When my radio (before cell phone proliferation) crackled my name, or the phone rang, no matter what time, I had to respond. It didn’t matter if I was celebrating a holiday or a child’s birthday, I was on call.
But I had a good job. People respected me. I was providing for my family. I was living, and buying into, all three LIES. But as with most addictions — and work was an addiction for me — I hit a bottom.
Something had to change. Work wasn’t the answer it once was. I changed careers and fields in an effort to control my workaholic ways. For a short time, things were better. But not for long. I discovered that I’d rather work than talk to most folks. And if I’m feeling blue, please give me a hard job to do so I don’t have to feel it. Work became a great way to avoid myself.
I needed new answers. I had to throw out old rules that haunted me, and new insights that wounded me. I had to discover what work was to me.
Answers came slowly.
- Answer number 1: The key to “getting somewhere” is knowing where you want to go. One of my favorite reminders comes from Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Many people climb the corporate ladder only to find that the ladder was leaning on the wrong wall. Been there, done that.
- Answer number 2: Work smarter, not harder. Another clich Tags: advice, balance, change, child, children, dad, father, life, parent, parenting, training, upbringing, work
Confident Women Don’t Have All The Answers
Monday, March 24th, 2008
Our perception is that she has it all together and she knows it. However, it’s important to realize that no matter how much confidence we exude outwardly, we ALL sometimes doubt our decisions and capabilities.
When we make it more important to LOOK self-reliant than to actually BE self-reliant, we lose even more confidence as we struggle to keep up the appearances.
Certainly self-reliance is an essential quality of a confident woman. However, the woman who uses her confidence to achieve her vision of success is one who has a balance of qualities. The quality of self-reliance needs to be balanced with the quality of resourcefulness - the willingness and wisdom to ask for help.
Certain situations can block our confidence, making us less willing to risk stepping out of our comfort zone. Some of these situations could be easily managed if we were willing to draw on outside sources of information and support.
For instance, your manager has asked you to write a report about an area of the company you’re not very familiar with. You may choose to be self-reliant and try to figure it out for yourself. You might be concerned with other people’s perceptions of you and you definitely don’t want to admit that you don’t know everything.
You’re choosing to wear a mask of confidence, while inside you’re doubting yourself and worrying about being “found out”. That’s a recipe for high stress levels that can quickly overwhelm you!
Instead, you could make an appointment to meet with the key individual in that department to learn more about their needs and interests. In doing so, you’ll create an opportunity to collaborate and provide your manager with a well-balanced report. This in turn will increase your manager’s confidence in you to look out for the best interests of the entire company. Seeking out help, information, resources and support is what will move your forward towards success.
By asking for the support of others, listening thoughtfully and with an open mind, you can then determine whether or not that advice will help you to fulfill your vision of success.
Being a confident woman doesn’t mean you have all the answers. It means you’re secure enough to seek out the people, resources and solutions you need to overcome obstacles and challenges.
Make your energy count!
Rene’ Rioux, CEC
© Emerggy Coaching, 2006
Ren
Tags: balance, Business, confidnece, success, women